I have a complicated relationship with my stuff. I tend to put a lot of emotions and memories into an object, or come up with a myriad of reasons why I need to keep things that are of questionable use to me. While my case is not severe enough to be diagnosed as a hoarding disorder, the resources shared by people dealing with hoarding disorders are very helpful to me. Regular minimalist or organisational advice is rarely useful, because it doesn't get to the core of what I'm struggling with. I also don't plan on ever becoming a minimalist. I like being surrounded by art, memories, and things that spark joy (shoutout to Marie Kondo). The objects are not the problem - my treatment of them is. My goal is not to get rid of things for the sake of it, my goal is to better understand my relationship with my surroundings and myself.
This page has 3 purposes:
1) to be a place for me to work through exercises,
2) to maybe help someone else who wants to declutter,
3) to document my progress.
It will continually be updated and expanded.
Thoughts on letting go
Questions to ask myself
...in general
...during sorting
My fear ladder
Strategies for sorting
Identifying triggers and challenges
Documenting progress
(taken from A Little Book of Help by Heather Matuozzo and Pip Barlow)
19.03.25 My mental health has been getting worse lately. I know this always exarcebates my hoarding tendencies. I've been very anxious lately, and this has made leaving the house and going unusual places (like charity shops) pretty much impossible. So while I've been able to put some stuff aside for donating, it hasn't actually left my home. Also my financial situation has been tight, making me more likely to keep things I wouldn't easily able to rebuy and I've been checking give-away boxes to see if anything potentially useful is in there. So although I haven't been over-buying lately (although I used to indulge in shopping therapy, which also played a part in getting me to this point), but still things accumulate in my space. I can obsess over different aspects of an object: It's emotional significance, it's potential usefulness, how difficult it would be to replace it, or the fact I don't want to be wasteful. What if I need it later? How would I get rid of it responsibly? These questions stop me from throwing things away. And since giving things away to a person who might have use for it is a lot more work than just putting it all in a corner somewhere, things are piling in all my corners.
19.03.25 Shame is never useful, even though I feel a lot of it. Useful thoughts include focusing on what I want from my living space and imagining a future where I feel in control of my surroundings.
19.03.25 It's too late for a question this big today. I'm starting an intense therapy program next week, hopefully, I'll have some answers to this soon.
01.04.25 I've been in the program for a week, no answer yet - but there's a lot of time left to find out.
A fear ladder is a way to strucure scary tasks (or different parts of the same task) and make them approachable. In this case, the idea is to rank what kind of things are easy to declutter to most difficult on a scale form 1 to 10. Then start with 1 and build up practice to eventually make your way all the way down the ladder. Since decluttering is not a one-and-done type of deal, I won't check off the steps and finish the ladder at some point, instead I'll use it to reflect on which parts of the process spark the most anxiety and encourage myself to not get stuck on the first few steps. Once my courage has built up, I can hopefully rework the ladder, moving things into lower numbered categories. Also I'm not including things I actively don't want to get rid of, like photo albums, art, or furniture.
| 1 | trash in cans or bags |
| 2 | trash not yet in cans or bags, leftover paper and packaging |
| 3 | books I've read |
| 4 | DVDs |
| 5 | books I've owned for a long time |
| 6 | clothing that doesn't fit |
| 7 | books I haven't read, CDs |
| 8 | household items, old magazines |
| 9 | clothing that fits, crafting materials |
| 10 | merch, memorabilia, postcards sent to me |
| What makes me want to keep things? | What helps me let go of things? |
|---|---|
| What if I need this later? I don't know where to recycle this. This is too good to throw away. |
I know who could use this. This is very broken. |
I've been doing some reading about hoarding self help today and came across some things I would like to try. I decided to make this page, since every guide recommends documenting your progress and I wanted to write down my thoughts and feelings, and collect strategies I come across online. At first I wanted to write all this down physically somewhere. But that would be just another journal I start, and I've got many unfinished journals lying around already. I'm counting starting this document instead as a win, because it's a way to engage with a new hobby of mine (learning html), and also not a new physical object.
I haven't been home much lately. But before the outpatient program started, I took a whole day to tidy my room. It was very difficult and overwhelming, and I didn't get everything done, but it's been nice to return into a somewhat orderly space. The clutter is still piling in the corners, but I feel less dread about the way my room looks. Also I've been making an effort to throw out things I tend to keep right away - opened envelopes, junk mail, papers I no longer need. All fairly low on the fear ladder, but still progress.